25 weeks

I like doing these every two weeks, as I'm clearly not one of those super-bloggers who can keep up a weekly habit of this.

Weight Gain: Roughly 15 pounds. According to the midwife, I gained 5 pounds in the last month - but I had actually lost weight just before my last appointment on account of stress, so I think I've been gaining about a pound a week. Depending on whom you ask, this is: a) perfectly healthy, b) terrible and I'm a cow. Since I'm eating pretty well and getting fairly consistent exercise, I'm going to subscribe to A. I'm getting used to the idea that I'll be gaining at least 25 pounds in this whole process, and likely more than that.

Symptoms: Bigger belly. Bigger kicks! I think I'm getting tired more easily these days, too, but that may be in part because of the heat lately.

Cravings/Aversions: Still nothing too strong, though I still don't like the idea of canned mushrooms. I'm going out of my way to get a lot of protein, though, per the Bradley method class direction, and I kind of think that's keeping my cravings to a minimum. I'm eating a lot of Greek yogurt, which might cover any calcium-related cravings I may have had.

I am loving: My new Snoogle body pillow. I can sleep through the night again! I was waking up at least three to four times a night before, unable to get comfortable. A couple of times my hips were just aching me awake. We got the Snoogle last weekend, and the first night I had it I slept for 8 hours straight. I was in a mild state of shock. I'm also (still) loving our air conditioner, which also definitely helps sleep. A lot.

I miss: Being able to roll over/sit up without having to think about it. I know I'm going to look back in about 10 weeks and laugh at myself, because I'm going to get much bigger.

I'm looking forward to: Anniversary/Babymoon/Vacation with DH!

I'm freaked out about: Making Real Decisions. This includes choosing big items like a crib and a car seat, as well as choosing bigger items like... a name.

Milestones: We passed the point of "viability", which I'm keeping in quotation marks because it's way too early for this kid to get born. But this does mean that if I deliver at any point from here on out, the medical community will make every effort to save the kid. Child, let's make things easy for the medical community and wait until October, OK? Thanks.

Movement: Yes, indeed. I've been told I should start to notice patterns, but I haven't yet, at least not in terms of time of the day. The kiddo tends to move around a lot when I'm hungry, or when I've just eaten something, or when I'm lying down and trying to go to sleep. Kicks are getting stronger - my belly moves now sometimes, with good strong kicks - but they aren't keeping me awake just yet.

Exercise: I've been pretty good about walking, and am squatting all the time, per Bradley method instruction (this helps my legs feel less burn-y, so there's an incentive). I'm doing a lot of the other Bradley exercises pretty regularly, too. Did yoga twice in the past week, as well.

Diet: Protein, protein, protein. It's supposed to help prevent preeclampsia, which is one of my bigger pregnancy fears. After a week of eating a high-protein diet, I had a midwife appointment and she said my blood pressure was "beautiful" - the lowest it had been in months - so I'm hoping all the protein had something to do with that. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go eat some Greek yogurt.

23 weeks

The last few weeks have been utterly nuts, for the most part. DH and I are just catching our breaths. I had some other posts in the works, but life happened with a vengeance and there's some stuff I'm just not ready to write about yet. In the meantime, though, I persist in being pregnant - happily, none of the drama/tears/exhaustion was related to the babe, for which I'm very, very grateful - so here's a look at that:

Weight Gain: 13+ pounds... which means I've gained about a pound a week the past few weeks. Slow it down, hoss!!

Symptoms: frequent hunger, growing belly, weird burning thigh issue. I think I need more sleep these days, too, and my sleep at night has been lighter, partly because rolling over is becoming more of a chore than a natural maneuver. I haven't gotten up in the middle of every night to pee, but it's becoming more common. I've also had a couple moments of nausea, which I hadn't felt since week 12 or so.

Cravings/Aversions: I just want food, though protein - especially peanut butter or yogurt - is always a plus. The idea of canned mushrooms still sounds gross. I fully expect that to last for the duration.

I am loving: that when folks ask, "How are you feeling?" I can honestly say, "pretty good!" Also, I love that we got a window air conditioner unit for our bedroom (thanks, Mom and Dad!). The highs in the UPPER 90s later this week will make me even more grateful, methinks.

I miss: Running, especially in the early mornings when it's not hot yet and everything feels fresh outside. This time last year I was in the throes of triathlon training, which was fun. I'm tempted to start waking up earlier (since my brain seems to want to be up at 5am anyway) to take early-morning walks so I can experience that pre-hot day feeling. That would possibly still be nice.

I'm looking forward to: Taking an anniversary road trip with DH in a few weeks, and then moving to our new apartment a couple weeks after that! July will be crazy, though hopefully in a very different way than June has been.

I'm freaked out about: Um, actually having this child. Not the birth so much (OK, a little about that) as the lifelong 24/7 commitment afterward...

Milestones: DH got to feel a kick for the first time on June 11, the day of his graduation. We were both flopped on the futon after a long day (the end of the most challenging week of our lives together - no exaggeration) and I grabbed his hand and put it on my belly. Thanks, kiddo. You made us both smile when we really, really needed it.

Movement: Much more frequent and much stronger - I'm cutting back down on my caffeine intake so I don't get kicked so hard. DH has felt movement several times now, which is fun.

Exercise: After The Week From Somewhere (June 6-11) and then a weird week off traveling with my parents, I'm back to taking long walks and doing occasional yoga. Also: I've started doing some of the exercises for the Bradley method, which I think is the childbirth method we're going with. Those aren't very strenuous, though.

Diet: I'm not concerned about what I'm eating - mostly fruits, veggies, whole grains (um... well, carbs of every description), lean protein (OK, and at least one dessert every day - sweets are so tasty!) - but how much. I need to work on portion control.

Halfway there

I am now 20 weeks pregnant, which means I'm halfway there, give or take (I've technically only been pregnant about 18 weeks, and I could go as far along as 42 weeks, but let's not split hairs here).

I think I'll do one of those question and answer type thingies for this milestone.

Weight Gain: 9-10 pounds, depending on the day. Basically right on track, I think.

Symptoms: My midsection seems to be protruding... hehe. Other than that "symptom", I've been hungry (which I've mentioned) and my thighs occasionally start burning terribly. There's a long story with that: basically I had pinched nerves in my legs that rendered my upper thighs numb during my adolescence, and about a month ago they started to un-pinch and I have feeling where I haven't had feeling in about 14 years. Sometimes that feeling is YOWWWCH. Fortunately I've figured out some stretches that help alleviate this. It's an unexpected annoyance, but I'll take it over nausea/insomnia/spotting/Mad Cow Disease/pretty much anything else bad.

Cravings/Aversions: I haven't had many specific cravings; food in general just sounds good. Except canned mushrooms, still. So: no real cravings, one weird aversion.

I am loving: this stage. I'm not huge, I have most of my energy back, I generally sleep through the night, and people can tell I'm pregnant just by looking at me, which leads to things like folks holding the door for me or offering me a seat. That's nice.

I miss: Not gonna lie, on hot days an ice-cold alcoholic beverage sounds really good. I'm being creative with alternatives, but I think I might ask for a White Russian once I've birthed this child.

I'm looking forward to: learning the gender. And getting the anatomy scan to see how the kid's doing in there.

I'm freaked out about: Well, "freaked out" is a strong word, but I think this month we need to start putting together a registry and make a childbirth-class plan. We didn't really have much of a baby-related to-do list before now, so concrete prepare-for-a-child stuff is a little daunting.

Milestones: Halfway there! And baby is the length of a banana now! Also: we found a place to move for the fall, which is sort of baby-related, as that will be baby's first home. Crazy.

Movement: Yes, I'm starting to feel the occasional kick/bump/flutter a few times a day. They're still pretty faint, but at this point I'm not mistaking it for gas or anything. It usually happens shortly after I eat, so there's just another motivation to eat.

Exercise: I've been doing fairly well this week, considering the amount of thesis work that's gotten crammed in: walking at least a couple of miles most days. I've only done yoga once in the last week, so I need to do that more often. The whole leg-burning thing happens less if I'm doing regular yoga.

Diet: ehh... I'm doing OK here. I got back in to the Green Monster groove this week, and have been adding whole milk kefir to the shakes, which makes them much higher in protein and super-creamy - so breakfasts have been great. I've been terrible about both the timing and the content of lunches and really need to get back in to packing a lunch every day. DH's schedule is calming down and he's offered to make me lunch in the morning, because he's awesome.

So I'm feeling pretty good, overall. On to the second half! I predict less nausea and secrets, more weight gain and comments from random strangers than the first half.

My face is up here

I was never one of those women who were, shall we say, overly endowed in the chest region. (My high school friends, the guys, once made an illustration of the group of us as Robin Hood characters, and my title was "Maid VeryFlat". It was pretty hilarious.) I do have a bit of a rear end, which was something I needed to learn to live with when I worked in an inner-city neighborhood, but if I'm facing someone, they tend to look me in the eye.

Or at least they did, until a few weeks ago.

The size of my mammaries has increased impressively, but that's not what folks are looking at. They're checking out the belly. As I move toward the halfway-mark of this pregnancy, I have certainly "popped": there's no hiding what I've got going on in my midsection. And people have a tendency to look. I don't mind this - I certainly notice when other pregnant women walk by - but it does take some getting used to.

I've also noticed there are different types of looks.

DH, of course, is in his own category of belly-looking. He can't help but rub the belly and smile at it, and he keeps talking about how he's looking forward to feeling a kick someday soon. He tells me daily that the belly is cute, which makes me melt some days and just makes me feel better other days (because, fascinating as the process is, there are days when I am not feeling "cute"). His unabashed enjoyment of the belly is just nice.

Other people who know me, like relatives, friends, or coworkers, take glances at the belly that I'd describe as affectionate : these are folks who are looking forward to meeting the kid who's making this bump happen, and who are excited about watching me and DH become parents.

I don't mind these looks at all. Occasionally, they've been accompanied by touch, but a friendly pat from someone I know or the loving touch of this child's father are welcome. So far I haven't had strangers touching me, and I'm not sure how that will make me feel when it happens.

But I have had strangers looking, and these looks can run the gamut.

The most common and innocuous look so far is the quiet-smile look. Thus far I've noticed this look is a bit divided along gender lines. If I'm walking down the sidewalk and a woman passes me going the other way, she'll generally take a gander at the belly and then make quick eye contact with a brief smile as we both continue on our way. Men tend to eschew the eye contact, but not the smile - I've had a few moments where I've seen a guy just smiling away at my belly.

I always try to imagine what these people are thinking, and my guess is that women who make eye contact have possibly gone through pregnancy themselves or are close with another woman who has, and they instinctively give that little smile of support to an expectant mother because they've been there and they know it's not all rainbows and gumdrops, sister. I get more of a sense from the men that they're perhaps recalling a pregnant woman they know, maybe the mother of their own kids. With those men, the smile is often more of an inward reflection than an outward interaction.

I don't mind any of these looks. I enjoy making people smile.

Then there are... the other looks. So far this has happened to me only once, but it made my skin crawl.

I've established that men tend not to make eye contact with me if they're looking at my belly. But there's a stark difference between the man who just took a glance at my baby bump and is briefly thinking of a mother or a baby he cares about, and a man who is leering at my belly and thinking of... well, I try not to ponder it too much. I was walking out of the grocery store last week when a man who was leaning on a garbage can (already klassy!) got a good look at me and was clearly enjoying some impure thoughts. Iccccchh... I kind of felt like I needed to take a shower.

I guess it makes sense if you're a total pervert: We all know what must have happened a few months ago for me to have this bump. But... really? Can't we think about the baby? Or about anything else? Or at least keep our lip-smacking leers to ourselves? Why you gotta skeeve this up, dude?

Oh, well, if the ratio is roughly one icky look to 40 nice looks, I guess I'll take it. But no guarantees I won't hit the next gross-looker with my bag of groceries. The one that's full of cans.

The HUNGER

There are things about being pregnant that sound obvious when you say them out loud. Lately, a lot of folks have asked me, "How are you feeling?" And my answer the last few weeks has been, "Pretty hungry."

I'm in the second trimester, which is when the tot goes from being roughly the size of a small lemon to a two-pound mini-baby over the course of three months. That requires plenty of calories (and fat! I've been encouraged to drink whole milk and eat ice cream. Yes, please).

But what I wasn't expecting about pregnancy hunger was what could be called Sudden Onset Starving.

See, I'll have a reasonable breakfast in the morning and head off to work. Non-pregnant Schmei could usually make it to early lunch time without needing much, perhaps a small snack. In my current state, however, I'll get to 10:30 am, give or take a few minutes, and be suddenly STARVING. It happens so fast, and to such an extreme, that it surprises me almost every time. And this is the routine all day. If I go more than three hours without eating something, bam! I'm about to start chewing on furniture (not that I want to, I haven't developed pregnancy-related pica).

This helps explain why a few women I know have told me that pregnancy makes you kind of dumb sometimes. If something happens, oh, five or six times a day, every day, for a few weeks, it should stop being surprising, right? But here I am, wondering, "holy crap, I am really hungry. I could eat just about anything that's not moving too fast." There's just no warning, so it continues to startle me.

One reason this is a paradigm shift for me is that during the first trimester, I didn't feel hunger at all. If my stomach was getting close to empty, all I felt was nausea, so I would just munch on something like crackers or a bagel because it would make me feel less crappy. Food had zero appeal - and most food made me want to gag. This sorry state felt like it lasted a long time - long enough to make me miss food and the relationship I used to have with it. I remember thinking, "I miss just being hungry." Hehe. I guess my wish has been granted.

Now, most any food (with the exception of canned mushrooms and a few deep-fried foods - I think those might be verboten for the duration of this project) sounds beautiful, and though I'm trying not to go crazy on sugars, any dessert is calling out my name. Part of the reason I want to put up this post is so the huge Oreo cookie picture of my last post can move down the page, because every time I see it I want cookies NOW.

This isn't a complaint: I'm enjoying this stage. I'm not huge and lumbering yet. I do have a bump that's starting to appear, and at the risk of being immodest, it's kind of cute. Even if my appetite is a little intense sometimes, I'm glad I have it and most of the accompanying energy back. And we're far enough out from actually meeting this kid that we haven't had to think too much about all the baby flotsam we need to acquire: decisions on cribs and diapers and everything can be quietly mulled or just ignored for a few more weeks while I marvel at my appetite (and think about other things, like my thesis and DH's graduation and moving, etc, etc). And hey, I don't know if it's a "glow" or all the water I've been drinking, but my skin even looks nice.

Second trimester, I like you. And if I need to feed you every two hours OR ELSE, well, I guess you're just preparing me for life with an infant. That's actually kind of considerate.

OK, OK, I'll go make some lunch! Calm down.

God Bless 'Murrica

Since I'm trying to balance long afternoon cravings for chocolate with a very good motivation to eat a healthy diet, this is just terrible news for me. DH's crazy uncle had told me about a rumor that Oreo was coming out with a Triple Double, and now it's been confirmed. They're hitting the shelves this summer.

How can something look so gross and so desirable at the same time? I'm sure that's not just the hormones, right?

That other project

So I mentioned that I have another project that I picked up a little while ago, and it's been taking my time and energy. Then I did the predictable thing that happens and disappeared for a while.

So, the project is large enough that it's been producing its own urine for a few weeks, which makes it high time I posted about it.

Dear readers: I'm knocked up.

I've been writing about this offline, but I feel like this is the stuff blogs are made of, anyway: pregnancy is temporary and prone to changes each day. I don't want this to become a strictly baby-centric blog, but at this point I've followed enough blogs that I know what the pattern is:

A) Hip young female writer starts a blog, just writing about LIFE, man!

B) HYFW falls in love

C) HYFW gets engaged and starts planning a wedding. But "this isn't a wedding blog".

D) weddingweddingweddingweddingweddingwedding

E) HYFW gets marrrrrieeeed!

F) long pause

G) HYFW returns! With wedding pictures and recaps!

H) OK, seriously, back to life. HYFW begins posting more of the stuff I liked to read in the first place, with the occasional relationship post.

I) Long pause out of nowhere.

J) I've probably unsubscribed because the pause was months long.

K) I psychically check in to HYFW's blog on the day she announces that she's PREGERRRRS! Often complete with an ultrasound picture. But "this isn't a baby blog"

L) It's totally a baby blog. For good.

Now, to be fair, I have kept reading one or two blogs that have done this to their readers, because they did keep posting interesting content even after having a child. (And YES, of course I think child-related content can be interesting: A child is residing in my midsection as I type). And I know that bloggers have zero obligation to make stuff up for their readers. If I don't like reading about poop and boob juice, I can go elsewhere, and they know that and so do I.

So I'm not going to say "this isn't a baby blog". I am going to say that I'll be writing about what the hey is going on in this body that, up until a couple of months ago, I thought I knew pretty well. I've already been surprised by all this pregnancy stuff in a lot of ways, and writing is kind of how I work through things, so maybe instead of a baby blog we should all just think of this as my really cheap, overly public therapy. Or something.

Anyway, the answers to the usual questions:

Due date: October 21, 2011. DH and I love October, so this is really exciting. Birthday pictures in a pumpkin patch, baby!

So, how far along are you? I'm at 16 weeks, 4 days. 16 weeks in the normal world is 4 months, but in pregnancy world it's 3.5 months, sort of. For reference, full-term is 40 weeks - which sounds like 10 months to me. But whatever. So I'm almost-four-months along.

Gender: Yes, despite my entire family thinking I'm RUINING the surprise, we're planning to find out some time in June. I'll write more about this.

How are you feeling, Schmei? Physically: Better. I think I had it relatively easy, from what I hear, but the first trimester landed me on my ass. All-day nausea (only puked twice so far, fortunately), exhaustion, crankiness, and a sense of smell that could detect a stale cigarette from four miles away... which contributed to nausea and crankiness. The last few weeks, though, my stomach and I have gotten back together. We're making up for those weeks of estrangement by the stomach being constantly hungry and me constantly feeding it. Beyond the occasional insomnia, I'm feeling pretty good.

Emotionally: all over the place. I still can't wrap my head around this being real, most days. I honestly think it's going to hit me when I meet the kid this fall. (Or maybe when I get cankles this summer. That will be a treat.) But then I get worried about the kid, which tells me that the instinctive side of me is pretty aware of what's going on.

Weight gain: 6 lbs so far. My goal, per the midwife, is to gain 15-25 total. I'm not sure if my ravenous hunger agrees with that goal, however. The second three pounds happened a lot faster than the first three - I'm worried it's exponential or something.

Midwife? Are you doing a crazy home birth? No, though I think home birth makes sense for a lot of folks, the idea of all that cleanup is not appealing to me at all, while the idea of having someone take complete care of me for a day or so after I give birth is appealing. We found a really cool midwife group at a nice hospital. I'm sure I'll write more about the midwives. So far I'm very very happy with that decision.

Are you still running? Eh, no. I had signed up for a 5K on May 7 which I planned to run-walk with DH. We ended up sleeping through it, which was the right choice for a lot of reasons. I was so out of it during much of the first trimester that long walks were the best I could manage, but now I'm really in to walking: aiming for 5 miles a day. It's something I know I can do until the end, and afterward, and it really helps me when I'm feeling down, which these damn hormones do more often than I care to admit. I got a prenatal yoga DVD, too, with some intense stretches and squats, and I'm aiming to do that at least three days a week. But yes, running and triathlon-ing are hopefully going to return in 2012 some time.

Do you have a bump? I'm getting the start of one... it depends on the angle and what I'm wearing and whether I just ate. That probably means not really, but my midsection certainly has more density than it used to. Most of my pants are still wearable, especially with a Bella band. I'm enjoying my non-enormity while it lasts.

Where's the ultrasound picture? I don't have one yet - this will likely be its own post soon - and I'm not planning to post it here when I get one. I've found myself feeling very strongly about this kid's privacy, which is pretty silly when you think about an ultrasound picture, since they all basically look the same. I will probably follow in the footsteps of Molly and not post any identifying pictures of the kid, since this is a public blog, and I think I may just start that from, well, the start, and not post the ultrasound picture. I know that's dumb. Blame it on hormones.

Have you felt any kicks? I think I have - it's tough to distinguish, but last night we had root beer floats for dessert, and about an hour later I was relaxing in bed with a magazine when I'm fairly certain I felt two little thumps in my lower-front midsection. Maybe the baby likes root beer? I know I do, so the kid should get used to that.

How is DH doing? Well, he's DH, so he's awesome. He's very in to brainstorming names, going to all the midwife appointments, giving me the occasional belly rub, dragging me out for long, restorative walks, and when I'm pooped, making me relax and drink some water. Menfolk should take note that no matter how horrified I am about some change my body just made, he acts like it's attractive. This is crucial to domestic harmony with a pregnant partner. Honestly, he's excited about the whole prospect, which is darn cute. I'm lucky.

And the question I can't wait for someone to ask me in real life:

Were you trying? Well, we were trying for a puppy. Turns out that's a different process, so... baby! Also cute and will hopefully chew the furniture less.

I am still working on my thesis, which was further delayed by being basically out of commission through late February and much of March, so posting will be light for the next month or so. But not as light as it's been of late - I have a few posts up my sleeve.

I have found that I like answering people's (polite) questions about this process, so if you have one, shoot!