Monday, September 19, 2011

35 weeks

Weight Gain: According to the midwife, 30 pounds. According to the scale at home, 28 pounds. Sometimes that makes me sigh, others I'm OK with it. I did gain 5 pounds in two weeks, according to the midwife's office scale, but I was wearing much warmer clothing than usual (copout) and the midwife noted that I had had something of a "plateau" the month before. We had one of the cool midwives. She did not snark that gaining more than 25 pounds is "bad for me", which I appreciated.

Symptoms: I'm tired. I think that second-trimester energy burst is starting to wane. I'm also getting occasional mild headaches... but at the risk of over-disclosure, my whole digestive system has, er, slowed down, so I'm guessing that's what that is from.

Cravings/Aversions:I've been craving sweets more, especially chocolatey carbs. Do I just need more calories, or is this a warning! sign! of pre-eclampsia! God, I wish I wasn't so worried about that.

I am loving: Cool weather. I'm not sure how many times I've thanked/apologized to my mother for having me in August, because I can't imagine spending the last month of pregnancy in July... and then going 10 days overdue. Sorry, Mom!

I miss: Full nights of sleep. OK, I can't complain too much, because I still get a full night of sleep every other night or so. But the intermittent nights involve waking up once or twice, going to the bathroom... and then staring at the ceiling for an hour or so because I can't get back to sleep. The little dude can't really be blamed - he hardly kicks me at night, and I don't think it would keep me awake if it did. My brain just doesn't re-settle very well.

I'm looking forward to: My brother-in-law's wedding this coming weekend. I will be playing the part of the enormous pregnant lady.

I'm concerned about: Pre-eclampsia. My blood pressure was slightly higher at the last appointment, though I'm trying to tell myself that it was because I drove through rush-hour traffic, and then the nurse took FOREVER to take my BP, which made me nervous. No protein in my urine or anything, and some headaches in late pregnancy (mine have been very mild) are supposed to be normal. Still, when I'm staring at the ceiling in the middle of the night, I keep envisioning being at my next midwife appointment and being told "You have pre-eclampsia. We're inducing you today. You're going to writhe in pain for two days and then we'll give you a c-section against your will. Got it? Why are you crying?"

What's interesting to me is that I basically spent 33 weeks or so being all chill about this pregnancy: whatever happens, happens, I can only control inputs, not outcomes, so let's all do some yoga. Why am I freaking out in the last month? I'm sure my sister's terrible birth experience (which featured - get this - pre-eclampsia, a days-long failed induction and a c-section. I'm very creative with my worries) has colored some of this, but I also wonder if worrying about this very specific potential problem is helping me to not worry about... everything else that could happen.

Milestones: He's honeydew-sized! And he'll be full-term in 2 weeks. Wow.

Movement: He just punched my bladder. The kid likes to move.

Exercise: Pretty good this week, what with the clement weather. A few long walks, some workout tapes, a little yoga, and on Sunday basically a full day of nesting-type behavior - organizing the baby's room and our bedroom, washing all the new clothes we got, etc. I'm trying to fight the sleepy and to feel like we're close to prepared for this kid's arrival.

Diet: actual meals have been pretty great - lots of home-cooking, mostly cooked by the wonderful DH. I am becoming more interested in desserts now. Not sure if this is because of the cold weather, the last month being when the kid packs on the most weight, or the dreaded pre-e.

As noted above, it's becoming inconsistent. And unkind people like to mention that we will NEVER SLEEP AGAIN so this makes me a little sad. I really, really like to sleep.

Something nice: One of my coworkers told me I make pregnancy look easy. As I was about to fall asleep at the receptionist's desk at the time, I appreciated the compliment. Seriously, I have had it pretty easy up until now. I think expecting the last month to be as much of a breeze as months 4-8 were is probably just too much to ask: I am carrying around a darn-near full-sized baby at this point. In my uterus. Woah. That I'm merely tired and occasionally have mild aches and pains means I still have it easy, and most of the time I am grateful for that.

The other nice thing? Washing all the kid's clothes this weekend. DH and I kept geeking out at how tiny and snuggly and cute the stuff is. Itty bitty socks! Wee hats! Tiny diapers! Little footie pajamas with cartoon puppies on them! I can't believe that in, like, 4-6 weeks or so, we're going to have a small person around to put those things on. That's kind of mind-blowing.

Something less-than-nice: This is an anecdote I had to share.

So, I'm obviously, shockingly pregnant at this point, and random strangers comment on it all the time. At least 90 percent of the time, they say something nice - I'm seriously amazed at least once a day by something kind someone says or does - but this morning as we were heading out the door of our apartment (DH walks me to the train in the morning because he's a super nice guy), this random woman was sitting on our front porch steps, talking on her cell phone. There are only 3 other people who live in our building, and this lady was definitely not one of them, so we looked a little puzzled at her. She started giving a long explanation about how she was waiting for her friend who lives in the next building... and then she got a look at my (terrifyingly large?) belly, and cut her diatribe short.

Random Stranger Porch Lady: Oh - how many months?

Me (trying to get to the sidewalk so I can walk to the train): eight.

RSPL: Do you know what it is?

Me (almost to sidewalk - why is it suddenly so far away?): It's a boy!

RSPL: Is this your first?

Me (at the sidewalk! Trying to walk quickly!): Yep.

RSPL: (smiling broadly) It's gonna hurt!

Me (internal monologue) WHY the f**** would you EVER SAY THAT to an OBVIOUSLY SUPER PREGNANT WOMAN??? Don't you think it's a LITTLE LATE FOR ME TO BACK OUT? And do you think I'm COMPLETELY STUPID and have never heard of CHILDBIRTH?? YOU SUCK AND I HATE YOU! GET OFF MY PORCH!!

(what I actually said): haha - I've heard that!

Sigh. I really need to spend this last month removing that politeness filter.

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