Thursday, September 22, 2011

So there isn't a stork?

Now that I'm in the final month of pregnancy, my belly is so prominent that I'm getting used to constant comments from... well, everyone. Relatives, coworkers, random strangers. The thing I don't understand? People who tell me that childbirth is going to hurt.

Seriously, people do this. And they think they're... being helpful? Letting me in on a secret? I don't know. It wasn't just that woman I mentioned in my last post, it just happened again - this time it was a MAN, on the train. Men: never, ever tell a pregnant woman that childbirth will hurt, because she just might start thinking of what she can do to you so you can enjoy a comparable experience.

The dude on the train started off all friendly, telling me about his 18-year-old daughter who's starting college, and he's so proud of her, and it seems like just yesterday his wife was pregnant, and they grow up so fast... that's all nice stuff. Then there was a lull in the (mostly one-sided) conversation, and he said, "I don't want to scare you, but" (Schmei's internal monologue: THEN DON'T SAY IT, IDIOT!) "my wife said she wouldn't have had that baby, if she'd known how much it was gonna hurt."

There was another woman sitting near us on the train who rolled her eyes so dramatically I felt at least a little vindicated in my sudden hatred of the guy. I just said, "uh huh."

I have found that most of the folks who've told me it's going to hurt a lot are people who have never had children. And seriously, half of them are men. I'm sure they're in awe of the whole process, but they need to shut it.

And I need to start saying, "you know what? Never say that to another pregnant woman again."

But don't worry, dear readers: the universe attempted to right itself. A few minutes after that conversation I was walking toward home, and two guys sitting on a bench hollered out to me as I walked past:

Guy on bench: Hey lady! How far along... when are you due?

Me: In a month!

Guy on bench: You look real sexy!

Me: (laughing, give thumbs-up in their direction)

Hey, at least it was complimentary.

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